Bridesmaids – yes or no?

Should the bride have helpers and how do you choose them?

There’s no rule that says brides have to have attendants, but if you do, choose carefully! Your bridesmaids should be there to lend you support and help, and not add to your stress. So don’t choose anyone who already has their hands full with a new job, or baby. Remember also -- it’s your wedding not your bridesmaids’. So while they will be excited for you, don’t expect them to drop everything else in their lives!

When inviting people to be your attendants, always make it clear who will pay for their outfits. If there is a substantial financial outlay involved, it’s best to make this clear at the outset to avoid upset later. This is particularly important where small children are involved. Always check with the parents first before you promise little Tessa she can be a bridesmaid.

Could my bridesmaid be a man?

What if your best friend/the only person whose taste you trust/your favourite shopping partner is actually a man? No worries. There’s an increasing trend for bridal attendants to be of either gender. Just clear it with your fiancé -- he may be a little surprised to find another man at the altar!

Help -- I’ve got too many!

In the first flush of newly-engaged excitement and emotion, many a bride-to-be has made the mistake of impetuously asking all her closest friends to be bridesmaids, before realising that the practicalities of the day mean that a bevy of blushing bridesmaids is simply not an option!

Rachel is a classic example. ‘When I first got engaged, in a haze of celebratory champagne, I asked five friends to be bridesmaids. After we had found a venue and worked out our budget, I realised that, firstly, five bridesmaids couldn’t squeeze down the aisle of the tiny chapel we were getting married in and, secondly, I could barely afford my dress without having to fork out for five bridesmaids’ outfits too! I suddenly realised what a tricky situation I'd landed myself in.’

Yasmin has a similar tale of woe. ‘I asked four best friends to be bridesmaids. However, once we started planning seriously, our costs spiralled out of control and we decided to downscale the whole wedding. I had to ask two friends to drop out. It was awful. They felt rejected and it has definitely damaged our relationships.’

And then there’s Lucy...’My problem wasn’t asking too many friends to be bridesmaids, but asking too many of their children!

‘I visualized myself coming down the aisle followed by a crowd of adorable children and asked eight small children to be my attendants. Two weeks before the wedding, we had a disastrous rehearsal. Four of the children were just too small to understand what was going on and screamed and howled throughout. I realised that if I went ahead with my original plan, the ceremony would be a complete shambles.’

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