Are you the right woman for the job?

The job’s yours if you want it. But are you bridesmaid material?

Bridesmaids are supposed to be (but are not always) unmarried. They are usually members of the bride's family, a sister, stepsister, or half -sister, a favourite niece or close friends. If the groom has a sister or a near relation then it’s tactful to include her.

Head girl

The chief bridesmaid is the leader of the pack and is not usually a child, since the job comes with certain duties and responsibilities. If a married woman is chosen as chief bridesmaid, then she is known by the somewhat pompous title of matron of honour.

If you’ve been chosen as chief bridesmaid, traditionally you should take charge of the other bridesmaids, letting them know what to do.

Sometimes the most important bridesmaid is known as the best woman and she is as important to the bride as the best man is to the groom. A bride may also choose to have pageboys and a ring bearer. But it is important for her to have at least one older attendant to help her through the day.

What it takes

To be a good bridesmaid you need to have certain qualities -- at least while you’re playing the role. You should be:

• Organised -- the bridesmaid is meant to look after the bride, not vice versa.
• Calm -- no matter what disasters might happen, you should be ready to deal with them or divert the bride.
• Enthusiastic -- there’s nothing worse than a bridesmaid who couldn’t care less.
• Focused -- a bridesmaid who is too busy looking after her family or chasing the best man on the day is no help at all.
• Co-operative -- rowing about the colour or cut of your own dress will only add to the overall stress.
• Supportive -- for when the napkins are the wrong shade of beige, or the last pink Rolls Royce in town is already booked.

Saying ‘no’

Although it is an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid, there are occasions when someone has to refuse. Acceptable reasons for this are: 

• a prior engagement on that day
• a previous liaison with the groom
• illness or disability
• pregnancy
• you don't feel you know the bride that well and are not sure why you've been asked.

Unacceptable reasons for refusing are:

• a burning hatred of the groom
• you don't like the dress the bride’s chosen
• you get a better offer for that day
• you can't afford it.

Once you've accepted, it is important that the bride feels that she can rely on you for support and to share in the wedding planning. If you think you might refuse, do it straight away, before lots of money has been spent and it's too late for the bride to ask anyone else.