Second marriages: your questions answered
Sorting out the issues that come up second time around
Lots of couples give matrimony a second chance -- in fact, second marriages account for four out of every ten weddings in the UK -- but doing it all over again can be daunting to organise.
As well as all the usual hassles of seating plans and what to wear, there are the often tricky issues of stepchildren and ex-partners to negotiate. There's no reason though, why a second wedding can't be a great success, just so long as you've thought through all the issues...
Q: My fiancé and I have both been married and divorced. Is it possible for us to have a religious ceremony this time around?
A: That depends on your religion. If you are Church of England, it's up to your parish priest to use his discretion. If the answer's no, then that's that. Non-conformist Christian denominations often allow remarriages, but check with the individual celebrant to make sure. Catholics cannot remarry in church unless their previous marriage ended in death or annulment. Remarriage after divorce is permitted under Islam and you can marry for a second time -- but not a third -- in a Greek Orthodox Church. It's possible to have a Jewish wedding after divorce but the Rabbi must be consulted well beforehand in order to resolve any outstanding issues under Jewish law. Whatever your beliefs, if you do hope to have a religious marriage ceremony the second time around, it is absolutely essential to contact the appropriate authorities well in advance of the wedding to make sure it's possible.
Q: What legal documents do I need to supply before I get married again?
A: That's simple. You need your decree absolute, or, if you are widowed, the death certificate of your former husband or wife.
Q: I can't re-marry in church but I want my wedding to have a spiritual dimension. Is there anything I can do?
A: Why not have a wedding blessing? It's possible to have a Church of England blessing in a church after a civil ceremony. You can also talk to a recognised official of whatever church or belief you follow about blessing your marriage in any location you fancy.
Q: What on earth should I wear? Surely white's not right for a second marriage?
A: If you had a white wedding first time around, you may well feel that going for the same thing again isn't appropriate. On the other hand, if you want to, why not?
Wearing white isn't a particularly old tradition. Like a lot of things, it started with the Victorians. Before that, brides would simply wear their best dress to get married in.It also depends on the situation. It may be the groom's second marriage but the bride's first. In that case, why should she pass up the chance to wear the dress of her dreams?
'It was a second marriage for my husband Peter, but my dress was a proper wedding dress,' says Helen, who married in a registry office. 'It was cream, but that was nothing to do with it being a second marriage, it was just because I don't like white. Even if I'd got married in a church I still wouldn't have worn a puffy meringue -- it's just not my style.'
The main thing is to wear the dress that's right for you.’
Q: Who pays for a second marriage?
A: With the best will in the world, you can't really expect your parents to fork out for marriage number two. If it's a second marriage for you both, then bride and groom are usually expected to pick up the tab.
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