Top tips for great proposals

From A to Z, everything you need to know about popping the question

X-files (beware of ex-girlfriends)

‘There are hearts breaking all over the world tonight’ (name that film). You getting hitched will doubtless cause some girl, somewhere, to sob into her pillow; unless you’re ugly and boring of course. Keep your head down. Now is not be a good time to have second thoughts.

You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t

Make all the plans you can, but in the event that your plans go astray, just roll with it and pop that question anyway. You’ll still get an ‘A’ for effort.

You want a friend? Buy a dog.

Dogs and other pets make excellent substitute babies. Take one step at a time, if the ‘f’ word is mentioned (family), pop down to Battersea -- that should buy you some time.

Zzzzzzz, make sure you choose the right moment

Bad timing: when she’s asleep, hung-over, tired or pre-menstrual.

Good timing: while you’re on holiday, out of the old routine, in a place of natural beauty.

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