Top tips for great proposals

From A to Z, everything you need to know about popping the question

Happily ever after... yeah, right

Marriage is a long road: it takes compromise, patience and love. If she doesn’t like the ring (which will probably emerge over the following week), smile, don’t take it personally, fish the receipt from your wallet and resign yourself to endless weekends of ‘Ooh, but what about this one...?’

‘I’ve never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back’.(Zsa Zsa Gabor).

Make sure your partner understands that she only gets to keep the ring if she marries you. A number of people have had their fingers burnt when the girl pulled out of the marriage proposal, followed by a shifty, ‘What ring?’

Just say no

If you’re not sure, say no. If you don’t believe in forever, get a pre-nup. While you’re at it, get a life.

Keep your head when all about you are losing theirs

On hearing of your proposal, you will notice most girls break into a state of near hysteria - happy hysteria generally. Be warned, this will continue up until the wedding and for a few months beyond, to the extent that you will probably require therapy once it’s all over.

Laugh

If she says no -- laugh -- hysterically. Follow it by shouting out “kidding!” or something. It might not work, but it’s worth a try. You can cry later.

Marriage is an institution, so is Broadmoor

Don’t expect life to be easy -- let’s face it, you’ve spent your whole life practising being selfish. Try and do something special once a week that you haven’t done before that is just for her (and I don’t mean taking her to see your team play).

Never say never again

If she says no, remember it’s her loss. You never liked her anyway. Cash in the ring and go on a bender with the boys.

Of all the weddings, in all the world, she had to walk into mine

Make sure there is not another lady in your life lurking in the wings. Chances are, the moment you commit to one person, another will start showing interest. Make sure you get closure on all your exes.

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