Top tips for great proposals

From A to Z, everything you need to know about popping the question

Paris, New York, Milan...London Zoo? (location, location, location)

Don’t be dull, who wants to go to another wedding in a cute parish church? Put your foot down. How about London Zoo, Stamford Bridge or even Silverstone?!

Pre-nups

Only a good thing if you have your own personal fortune, or trust fund, or several previous children to support. It is inadvisable to ask a solicitor to draw one up just for your CD collection.

Quickies

With all the traditional wedding palaver, it’s little wonder Gretna does such a roaring trade. Quickies, as in sex, keep the spice alive. Get on a flight to Vegas and get it over with.

Rock of Gibraltar

The bigger the diamond, the longer she’ll put up with you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Stage fright

You may have planned on asking for her hand for months, but every time you get close to bending your knee, you lose the power of speech. Well get a grip, you loser! Be brave and pull yourself together. March up, take her in your arms and ask her if she wants anything from the newsagents. If you can’t honestly get the words out, you are allowed to do it drunk.

To kneel or not to kneel, that is the question

Kneel.

Under no circumstances trust your best man

Worse than proposing is choosing your best man. Friendships soon plummet into playground politics and, ultimately, you just have to go with your gut instinct. Ask yourself this. Which friend won’t leave you tied up naked on a ferry to Boulogne?

Vicar with attitude

More wedding than proposal, really, but here’s a book early tip: try and find a vicar with an equity card.

What is a secret? something you only tell one person at a time

Don’t tell anyone, be that dark horse you’ve always wanted to be, keep it zipped. The only person that is allowed to know about the proposal before you partner should be her father.

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