Speech material: Keeping expectations in check

Wedding speech material for you to adapt, to help make sure the happy couple don’t get too over-excited...

By the father of the bride

‘Dave, you’re probably expecting a fortnight of relaxation and carefree abandon, but take it from me as one who knows, if your back recovers after hauling Karen’s suitcases around the airport, you’ll soon put it out again when she asks you to load up the shop’s worth of souvenirs she’ll want to take home.’

By the best man

‘Having been on holiday with Don myself, Petra I think it’s important that you double-check you’ve got everything packed to make it the holiday of a lifetime. I’m talking of course about those special accessories that’ll help the nights go as smoothly as the days.... Earplugs. Now wish them well, Karen and her amazing chainsaw-snore husband, Don!’

By the chief bridesmaid

‘As Janine’s closest friend, Alex, I feel it’s my duty to give you some words of advice for your honeymoon. Firstly, she will not find your “Kiss Me Quick” hat amusing; secondly -- and whatever she says - she cannot walk in her platform flip-flops; and thirdly I can say with utter conviction that Janine, Baileys and Champagne do not mix.’