Speech material: Short and snappy

Wedding speech material to adapt for when you want to keep it right to the point

By the chief bridesmaid

Okay, John, I thought I'd make a few things clear from the start! Nicola needs to use the phone for long gossip sessions with her friends about how wonderful you are and you're expected to pick up the tab. She has the right to get annoyed when you want to watch football instead of going with her to the supermarket where she will wander aimlessly up and down every aisle, even though you only came in for pizza to eat in front of the football. She will get grumpy once a month and you have to realize that this has nothing to do with hormones but is entirely down to you. Okay, so it isn't, but she's a woman and has the right to behave like this.

Why? Because you married her, and I'm delighted that you have. I think that the pair of you make a lovely couple and you both look stunning. It's good to see both of you make an effort for a change.

I remember the day when Nick wouldn't wear anything apart from jeans, and I have a horrible feeling that she's probably got a pair on under her dress so she can slide down the banisters later. Some things never change, even though she is a responsible bank clerk now!

So, as the best friend/sister, I'd like you to raise your glasses...to John and Nicola. May they always be as happy as they are today.