Speech material: I wouldn’t say they’re romantic but…

Wedding speech material for you to adapt, for when romance is not necessarily top of the happy couple’s list

By the best man/father of the bride/chief bridesmaid

‘Dan is determined that the honeymoon, which he has organised, will be truly romantic. He’s planning walks on deserted beaches; downing cocktails and sampling the local cuisine. It’s a secret, so I won’t give too much away. Except to say that the cycle shop’s done really well this month...’

‘Jane once said that it’s the wee things Rafe does that makes him so special. That’s funny because at Infants’ school it was the wee Rafe did that made him special.’

‘I wouldn’t say the groom is romantic but I did hear he presented his lovely bride with three dozen roses in bed on Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately the chocolate melted onto the sheets, which killed the mood a little...’

‘We all know Phil likes to take risks and he’s already told me how, on the flight to their honeymoon, he’s planning to do something a little naughty in the aeroplane loo. Honestly, Phil, smoking’s very bad for you!’

‘I wouldn’t say the bride and groom were particularly romantic. Instead of a flash engagement ring, they decided to buy something for the flat. In fact it’s only because her parents came to the rescue that you’re not currently being addressed by the dishwasher!’