Choosing the right material

To make your best man’s speech appeal to a wide audience, you need to select your subject matter very carefully

Wedding speakers have it tough. Who else has to make a speech that will appeal to an audience with an age range of two to 82? Speeches have to make people laugh without offending anyone's sensibilities, to talk about families and relationships without treading on anyone's toes, and to hold people's attention without stealing the show from the happy couple.

It sounds like a tall order, but most of the pitfalls of speech-making can be avoided if you know what to talk about and recognise that there are limits around certain subjects. It's all a matter of choosing and using your material with care.

Definite no-nos

You can get away with talking about a lot of subjects provided you're genuinely witty and you don't cross the line into bad taste. Some things, however, are absolutely off-limits. Steer clear of these topics:

• race
• religion
• ex-partners
• people who refused to attend
• last-minute threats to call off the wedding
• swearing
• explicit sexual references

Criticism

Weddings aren't the place for criticism. Don't knock anything about the venue or the service and don't make jokes at other people's expense, especially the bride's. This is the happy couple's perfect day, and you need to help keep it that way by considering other people's feelings at all times.

Past romances

There's nothing wrong with talking about the groom's past loves -- provided they're really, really firmly in the far distant past.

• Tell guests About the flirtation he had with that cute little blonde... in the sandpit back at nursery school.
• Don't tell them About the girl who broke his heart when he was 16 and who he's never really forgotten - or about any other romance he's had since the age of seven, for that matter. It's also worth noting, that while you may feel you can vaguely allude to the groom's sowing of wild oats - eg 'He was a bit of a wild lad at college' - you should never even hint at something similar about the bride. Double standards still apply, at least at weddings!

The happy couple's relationship

Comments about the bride and groom are usually part of the best man's speech. Tread carefully, however, especially if their relationship has been stormy in the past.

• Tell guests About how their first meeting generated enough electricity to power the National Grid. Talk about how compatible they are and how great they both look today.
• Don't tell them About how they slept together within half-an-hour of meeting or about how she left him for someone else for six months. Arguments, estrangements and threats to call off the wedding are all off limits. If in any doubt, leave it out.

Bit of a lad

People expect funny stories about the groom's misdemeanours to be part of the best man's speech. Humiliating him gently is all part of the fun, but do make sure that your anecdotes are humorous rather than offensive.

• Tell guests About the time he time he redecorated the living room with crayon when he was a little lad.
• Don't tell them About how he was all over that lap dancer at his stag night then vomited copiously in the minicab all the way home. Keep quiet about criminal records, expulsions from school and the like too.

Family matters

Complimenting the bride and groom's families can be part of your speech -- but make sure you stick to compliments only.

• Tell guests How your best friend the groom has great parents -- and now he's gaining great parents-in-law, as well as a lovely wife. Or congratulate the bride's parents for organising the wedding so well.
• Don't tell them How you're amazed to see the groom's father there at all since he scarpered when the groom was still in his pram. Speeches shouldn't be used for settling scores. Avoid comments about divorced or warring parents. If the family situation is very sensitive, resist the temptation to think you can make things better with a few carefully chosen lines.

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