Lines to kick off with

To get the crowd on your side from the off, you need a killer opening line for your best man’s speech -- try these for size

• ‘For the second time today, I rise nervously from a warm seat with a piece of paper hand in my hand...’ 
• ‘Fornication, fornication... for-an-occasion such as this, it’s an honour to stand here as the best man for the marriage of my dear friends Tom and Mary...’ 
• ‘For those of you who bet on me giving a speech under three minutes in the sweepstake, you could be in the money. Thanks and goodnight.’ 
• ‘I asked my Dad for some advice about making this speech today and he said: don’t mention politics, sex or religion. Sadly, I never tend to take his advice. So, Tony Blair walks into the confessional wearing stockings and suspenders, and the priest says...’ 
• ‘When David asked me to be his best man it came as quite a shock. I’d only known him a year. But then I guess you get close very quickly when you’re sharing a cell...’