Lines that work – and lines that don’t…

Always a winner

Always a winner  

‘Not for the first time today do I rise from a warm seat clutching a piece of paper...’ 

‘I’m going to make this short and sweet. Thanks very much.’ (speaker sits down)

‘And so without further ado, let’s raise our glasses...’

‘I’m sure you’ll agree that I’m the luckiest man/woman in the world today’

‘I do!’

Definite no-nos

‘I wouldn’t say the bride looks fat in that dress, but...’

‘Turning now to Simon’s third marriage...’

Any reference to bridal pregnancy (except by prior agreement).

References to the cost of the wedding.

‘Not being a big fan of marriage myself...’

‘When I was going out with bride/groom...’

‘Frankly, I’m amazed we’ve got this far without my parents coming to blows...’

Good for a groan

‘Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...’

‘My wife/husband and I...’