Sample speech: Brief and witty

A wedding speech for you to adapt, if you want to be funny and to the point

Let me just start by saying that I’m delighted to see so many of you here today. There’s lots of people I recognise, a few of them looking far more grown up and elegant than usual. I’m talking mainly of course about my children here, and I hope to meet many more of you before the evening ends.

Well I’m going to keep this brief, because [looking at glass] Claire has made me pay for this, and while I’m up here and you’re down there, I can’t be doing my fair share of drinking! However, Claire has assured me she won’t be imbibing too much of the potent stuff today, which I have to say was a relief, to both myself and my bank manager.

This isn’t of course the first time my bank manager and I have spoken about keeping Claire in the manner to which she’d like to become accustomed -- I seem to remember the pony, tennis camp, was it ballet lessons? Naturally, I always said no, because I was determined to bring her up in a disciplined manner, and naturally she always got her own way, rather like today, because she is absolutely irresistible! I’m delighted, too, that Stephen has found her equally irresistible and I am thrilled to welcome him to the family.

I know other people want to say a few words, so Claire, Stephen, can I just say that you are two wonderful people and I hope that you have a wonderful life together. Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in a toast... to the bride and groom!