Sample material: In days gone by…

Wedding speech material for you to adapt, for when you want to talk about marriages from yesteryear

For the father of the bride

‘In the Stone Age, Mrs Cavewoman stuck by the side of Mr Caveman for a number of reasons. These ranged from the display of virility Mr Caveman showed when he hunted and killed wild boar for dinner, to the endearing nurturing instinct Mrs Cavewoman showed when bringing cave babies into the world. But I think the real reason that marriages lasted in caveman times was because at that point no one had invented the remote control.’

For the best man

‘In the past Neil would have had to woo Jessica using a combination of wit, style and cunning. He would have had to compose romantic poetry and serenade her on a nightly basis. He would have had to impress her parents with his honourable intentions, whilst displaying his waltzing prowess. Luckily for Neil though this is the twenty-first century, and man has a new secret weapon with which to win over a woman. Alcopops.’

For the chief bridesmaid

‘I’d like to point out how lucky Bruce and Elaine are that that they’re not living in Victorian times. Because if they were, there would have been no living together before the wedding, and we wouldn’t have Bruce’s legendary performance of the Macarena to look forward to. And as for the wedding night, it’s doubtful that he would have managed to remove a bodice and all those petticoats.’