Fashion etiquette for bridesmaids

Safety in numbers

If things are getting out of hand and you are really unhappy with what is proposed, try talking to the other bridesmaids to get their view. If they are all happy, then you will probably have to grin and bear it. If not, then try to find a gentle way to talk to the bride, and have alternative suggestions ready. Present possible solutions, not just problems.

If you do get together with the others, make sure that the bride doesn’t feel as if you are ganging up on her.

Problems can arise if one bridesmaid is being difficult about the dress. It’s then up to the others, particularly the chief bridesmaid, to find out what the problem is and use some diplomacy to get things back on track.

“All of us were fine about the dresses Claire wanted us to wear, but one bridesmaid, Jessica, really kicked up a fuss,” Laura remembers. “It turned out that she was very self-conscious about her arms and really didn’t want to wear something sleeveless. Once the bride knew what the problem was, she managed to find a little jacket that went with the outfit and everything was fine. A lot depends on the bride being flexible in this sort of situation though.”

Something to suit everyone

Choosing outfits to suit you all can be tricky if there are lots of bridesmaids or a large age range. Adults won’t want to be dressed the same as children, and hopefully your bride will also bear in mind that the outfit(s) she picks need to flatter people of different ages (and sizes!) If she doesn’t, you have the option of dropping a few helpful hints.

It’s just one day...

While being a bridesmaid is a big deal, it is after all just one day. Before you risk falling out with the bride over her choice of outfit, you should ask yourself whether it is really worth upsetting her.

“My friend Francesca chose the bridesmaids’ dresses by herself when she got married -- and they were horrible,” recalls Caroline, who still shudders at the memory of her bridesmaid’s outfit.

“My dress was a vile shade of green and accentuated all my bad points, as well as not fitting me properly. It looked ridiculous -- in fact, my family still laugh at the photos of me in it. But to this day, I’ve never told Francesca I didn’t like it. She thought the bridesmaids’ outfits were lovely, so I just decided to grin and bear it.”

Put up or shut up

Let’s face it, most brides want everybody to be happy on their special day, so it is unlikely that she will want you to wear something completely hideous. However, if you feel there is likely to be a clash then maybe you should think very carefully before you agree to be a bridesmaid in the first place.

On the other hand, if you think she is deliberately trying to make you look terrible, maybe she’s not quite the friend you thought she was...

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