Ask Kate: Keeping everyone happy…

January 23, 2013

Kate Thompson has been offering heart-felt advice and sparklingly different wedding inspiration for ten years. She is married with two children, and often features in the national press. With her warm and caring nature and off-beat sense of humour, she'll answer every question with knowledgable insight and understanding to help and inspire or simply restore your peace of mind.


I live in York and my family live in Leeds. I’m getting married here in York and so I’m worried that my mum will miss out on much of the wedding planning.  I like my future mother-in-law but I do feel a little pressured by her and her daughter, who also wants to be a bridesmaid.  I only want my friends to be my bridesmaids. How do I sort it all out without people hating me.


There are two main issues to deal with here as I see it: the first is how you can get your mum more involved, which will simply mean arranging a couple of whole day wedding trips with your lovely mum in which you can go wedding dress shopping, perhaps stop for lunch and then look at other wedding suppliers together such your potential venues (early on) or cake makers, hairdressers etc. To have your mum with you for your initial wedding dress search or for your first dress fitting is quite special, as is having her there for your hair and make up trial.

The second is this pressure you say you are feeling from your future sister and mother-in-law. It may just be their excitement at the family wedding and eagerness to help but if it’s causing you concern you do need to say something. – carefully, or ask your fiancé to as he knows them best. Be diplomatic and, rather than telling them you don’t need their help. suggest ways that they can be involved – perhaps your fiancé’s sister could do a reading or sing a solo during the ceremony or be a special female usher. Your fiancé’s mum might want to help with the invitations, the venue, the catering, the cake, the transport or the flowers. There are so many things to do you might be glad of some help and asking them to do one or two things in particular will make them both feel a real part of the wedding. No one’s going to hate you! They will love you, you’re marrying into their family!

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