Ask Kate: A hen night without bridesmaids

October 4, 2012

Kate Thompson has been offering heart-felt advice and sparklingly different wedding inspiration for ten years. She is married with two children, and often features in the national press. With her warm and caring nature and off-beat sense of humour, she'll answer every question with knowledgable insight and understanding to help and inspire or simply restore your peace of mind.

Q.

I have  two bridesmaids and one has just had a baby.  Reecently, we all met up and they asked me what I wanted to do for my hen do.  I said I wanted a weekend away somewhere in the UK.  They both expressed excitment at this idea and made it seem like they were all interested in coming.  Last week I got an email from the bridesmaid with a baby saying that she wouldn’t be coming and not offering any alternatives.  Then the other emailed to say that she couldn’t afford it and wouldn’t come. I feel completely let down and althoough I don’t want to fall out with them, I am really upset.  What sort of a hen do is this going to be if the bridesmaids don’t even want to come?  What should I do?

A.

I feel for you as this should be a special time for cementing these close friendships and having fun together in celebration of your wedding. The bridesmaid with the baby may be feeling a little overwhelmed with motherhood and unable to organise or attend your hen night which is understandable and forgivable but the bridesmaid who has  said she can’t afford it just compounds your feeling of being left on your own. You are not on your own though and there is still time to organise a get-together that a few of your friends and family can enjoy with you. Not everyone is good at organising events so don’t rely on them, be proactive and arrange an evening out or an evening in, doing what you want to do – whether that’s a pub night, dinner and a club, a burlesque dance class or comedy club night. You could also do a pamper day or just have a fun girly pyjama party even! There are lots of ideas for what to do and how to do it in our Hen and Stag section. If it’s an evening instead of a weekend away, it’s more likely people will be able to come and you could have a great time! Don’t lose heart, get in touch with your bridesmaids and explain that you are organising an evening out and would dearly love them to come. I’m sure they will and you’ll have a wonderful time after all.

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