Ask Kate: Not inviting children

October 17, 2012

Kate Thompson has been offering heart-felt advice and sparklingly different wedding inspiration for ten years. She is married with two children, and often features in the national press. With her warm and caring nature and off-beat sense of humour, she'll answer every question with knowledgable insight and understanding to help and inspire or simply restore your peace of mind.


I have spent hours planning my dream wedding. Now all the little details are in order I am left thinking about guests and children. My dilemma is that my niece is going to be a flower girl and is a very quiet child, but I do not want to invite some other children in our family, particularly the ones who terrorised the last wedding we attended! My fiance and his family think we have to invite them but my mother and I don’t agree. I find myself torn between doing what I want for ‘my day’ and keeping people happy! I need help.


This is a very tricky one as you don’t have a no children rule (which, to be honest, can be quite an unpopular one for some guests.)  It can be difficult when not everyone agrees and you don’t want to upset your fiance or his family but you do have a clear vision of how you would like your wedding to go. You have a few options here as I see it – the first being to suggest to your fiance and his family that you have a no children rule except for those children in the bridal party – meaning the only kids invited to the wedding will be your flower girls/ page boy/ little bridesmaids. This will mean that no other friends or family will be able to bring their children either though and so anyone with babies and very small kids or no babysitter may be upset that they will be unable to come. The other option is you do invite these children but you ask your fiance’s family, perhaps his mother or an auntie, to have a quiet word with the parents of the boysterous children and either arrange a creche for them or some children’s activity packs to ensure they are suitably entertained. Depending on their age, you could also tell them there is a prize for the quietest child during the ceremony and another prize for the reception. This works a treat with my 6 year old son! At the end of the day, many brides worry that children may ruin their perfect day when in actual fact, nothing could.

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