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Ask Kate: Wedding Nerves.

August 6, 2013

Kate Thompson has been offering heart-felt advice and sparklingly different wedding inspiration for ten years. She is married with two children, and often features in the national press. With her warm and caring nature and off-beat sense of humour, she'll answer every question with knowledgable insight and understanding to help and inspire or simply restore your peace of mind.


I’m not getting married until July 2009, but I am really scared. I keep thinking that my nerves are going to wreck the whole day.I am excited about the whole day but I picture myself crying before the ceremony and during. I’ve never liked being centre of attention, but really want to push myself through it. Do you have any advise on this sort of thing. Please help me if you can.


Most brides have pre-wedding jitters so what you are feeling is completely normal. There are two options here, depending on how nervous you actually are. If you suffer from panic attacks or severe anxiety and are worried about shaking or just not being able to walk down the aisle then it may be worth asking your GP about taking something to calm your nerves so you can enjoy your big day. There are tablets that you could take just for the day that will calm you and enable you to have a worry-free day. Many nervous people who suffer from the shakes take them to get through a stressful day such a driving test or wedding – and they work. There are also some great natural alternatives available in most chemists and supermarkets these days too such as Kalms and Rescue Remedy which are definitely worth a try.

If you are a little nervous but not so bad that you feel you need medication, more that you simply do not like being the centre of attention, then perhaps you could consider having a small ceremony with just close friends and family, and inviting everyone else to the evening reception. This way there will be a smaller crowd surrounding you when you say your vows, and you will be less likely to panic. The evening reception is a less formal affair, so there should be less pressure, and attention focussed on you. Everyone at your wedding will be there to see you make a commitment to your new husband, they will all be so happy for you that there is no need to worry about being the centre of attention. Try to remember that your wedding day is likely to be one of the happiest days of your life and that there should be nothing that can ruin it for you. Even if you shed a few tears, this is completely normal; it is an emotional time. It’s worth bearing in mind that the way your tear ducts work means that if you look upwards towards the ceiling you cannot cry – try it the next time you feel tearful and you will be amazed. So with that little secret up your sleep you know you won’t have to worry about your mascara smudging now!

If you are really worried that crying will spoil your day, then perhaps you could use techniques such as deep breathing and positive visualisation to calm your nerves. Picture you and your new husband somewhere relaxing after your wedding day, perhaps on the beach on your honeymoon? These calming thoughts will help you to realise that getting married is a gateway to a lifetime of happiness, and not a cause for anxiety. Taking up yoga is a great and healthy way of calming yourself naturally too so look out for a class in your local area. Slow and deep breathing is the secret to calm relaxation and will instantly banish any anxiety.

Finally, I would recommend asking your make-up artist to use waterproof mascara, so that in the event that you do shed a tear, your make-up will stay put!

You have plenty of time before your wedding; as you start to organise the day more you will be able to visualise how things will look, and how the day is going to progress; I’m sure your anxiety will subside and be replaced with excitement.

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