Emma's answers to Should I give in to my mum?

Question

I'm Irish and have lived in England for ten years. My boyfriend is English and we'd like a simple civil ceremony soon. My parents live in Ireland and my mother has stated that she won't travel to England for our wedding. She thinks the bride should get married in the place where she comes from. However, this is just masking the real problem which is that she's afraid of travelling (in the 10 years I've lived in England, she hasn't been to visit - I'm a one-hour flight away). She won't admit she's got this phobia and it's really getting me down. Perhaps we should just go off and get married on our own but I don't want to regret not having my parents or friends at my wedding. What should I do?

Answer

I do have a few suggestions of what you could do though I think it's best to do what YOU and your partner really want to do, don't feel pressured by others into having the wedding they want. Here are a couple of suggestions you could consider:

1. Get married in Ireland to please your mum and have your parents at your wedding. Then have the reception in England, with all your friends and your partners family.
2. Get married in England and fly to Ireland to have your reception. Invite all your friends and make a weekend of it?
3. Get married in England and have a reception. Fly to Ireland for a blessing and have another reception there.
4. Get married in Ireland and have a reception. Fly back to England for a blessing and another party.

If you feel that your mothers fear of travelling really is at the root of this, are you able to discuss it with her? Perhaps you could even suggest help in the form of something like hypnotherapy that might help her conquer her fear and travel to England, especially if she knows how important it is to you to have her there.

Emma x