Emma's answers to Having doubts

Question

Is it normal to be having doubts 2 years before the wedding?

Answer

Please do not worry, you are not the only bride-to-be who has had doubts before her wedding and you certainly won't be the last. I always think that having doubts is a good sign that you are thinking carefully about making the right decision and in most cases these little niggling doubts will usually pale into insignificance in time.

Marriage is a big step and it is normal to feel anxious about making any life changes. Although it feels now as though there may be many things in your life that will change once you are married, usually life carries on just as before though with a more secure feeling once you have made the commitment to one another to be together for the rest of your lives. The real changes may come once you begin living together (if you are not already doing so) and if or when you have children as starting a family is probably the single most life changing thing that you will ever do (and can also be the most rewarding.)

Perhaps you feel that you will lose your identity by becoming a Mrs? The changes you are making to your life are likely to be positive ones, your wedding day represents the joining of your life with your husband's, the coming together of two families and the beginning of a new family. Rather than losing anything, you may well be in fact gaining so much. You don't even need to change your name these days so you you won't lose your sense of identity as such at all.

If you have lived together for a long time then you may feel that your relationship has become a little too comfortable lately, perhaps neither of you are making the effort you used to and the spark needs relighting. If this is the case, then you could try to rekindle the romance that you shared when you first got together. Arrange a special meal or a weekend away. It is important in any relationship to take some time for yourselves to remember why you are together in the first place.

Your wedding is a while away, perhaps you are just not excited about it yet? This is a very common feeling in long engagements. I would recommend visiting some bridal fairs to get ideas, and start pasting them into a scrap book of planning photos. This would help you to regain enthusiasm towards your wedding. Why not take your partner with you so that you can share the decision making process? Please don't feel at all worried about the wedding planning as that's where Confetti can help you.

On the other hand, if your doubts are concerning your partner, or your compatibility in a serious way, then I would suggest talking to your partner and carefully and sensitively expressing your concerns. It is important that you maintain constant communication in order for your relationship to work. Be honest with him, he may be able to reassure you. If this fails, you may want to consider going to Relate couples counseling. Many couples do this before their wedding as well as afterwards. You can contact them on http://www.relate.org.uk/.