You’re happily living together and the next natural step seems to be marriage, to make your love and commitment official and legally binding. But how can you know that this relationship is ‘the one’ – a partnership for life, and the one that will endure? Love and marriage advice for newlyweds.
It all starts with falling in love and yet every relationship has a unique dynamic that can, and will, change over time just as both partners will also evolve and grow. We are very different people in our twenties than in middle age and later years, and nothing stays the same so how can we be sure that the person we marry is ‘the one’? Some simply say ‘when you know, you know’ – and it’s all about love but getting married is so much more than planning a wedding.
Love and marriage
You may have fallen madly in love initially, and then settled into a cosy co-habiting relationship. The everyday routine of domesticity can slowly erode away the passion, and in its place can evolve a growing love and companionship. The trick is to find the soul who wants the same for the future as you, whether that’s the cosy co-habiting or the passion or all of the above.
Love is a verb and not just a flowery description of romance or lust. Love is kind, patient, forgiving and nurturing and marriage is about being there for that one person for the rest of your lives, no matter what. It is essential to ask yourself, and your fiancé, how you really feel about love, marriage, having children (or not) and what you both need and want for the future.
Having ‘cold feet’
There are many of us who become anxious at the prospect of entering into a lifelong commitment, and will naturally start to wonder if we are doing the right thing. Some people experience what is commonly known as ‘cold feet’ while others become more seriously concerned.
With surprise proposals, we can get caught up on a rollercoaster ride and once it starts it can be hard to slow down or ask to get off. If it feels like you’re out of control though, that is exactly what you need to do – slow down, or get off and start talking to each other honestly about how you feel. It may seem hard to raise doubts once you have publicly got engaged and have started planning your wedding but, in the long run, it’s a whole lot easier than marrying the wrong person.
Trust your instincts
As you grow older it’s easier to look back with hindsight and see that your gut instincts were right, even if at the time you were unsure of the worrying warning feeling in the pit of your stomach. Listen to your inner feelings. If you know he/she is the one for you beyond a shadow of a doubt then you are very lucky. If you’re just not sure and your inner voice tells you it’s not 100% but you find yourself trying to rationalise it by making excuses for either their short comings or yours then it may be time to give it more thought. That’s not to say you should call off your wedding, as no relationship is perfect; we are all flawed in different ways, but if your mutual love feels right for you both and you have real respect for each other then you may just be about to celebrate the start of the rest of your lives together.
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Kate Thompson is Confetti's features editor and wedding expert, and has worked in the wedding industry for 15 years. A widely published lifestyle writer, she has made BBC television and radio appearances discussing wedding trends in the UK.