You have a dilemma; your once wonderful and supportive best friend has changed, and you suddenly find yourself in the unenviable position of wanting to fire your chief bridesmaid. Check out our list of sackable offences and find out how to go about it with the least possible stress.
Is it ever really okay to fire your chief bridesmaid? Yes it is, it’s sad but it happens. You might have rushed into asking a friend you don’t know very well, or underestimated the depths of depravity your once trusted friend could stoop to, or perhaps you’ve simply asked someone who’s not interested and you’d like to ask her to step down.
Whatever your reasons, it’s never easy to admit that you want to fire your chief bridesmaid so do take time to make sure you want to go through with it, as it could lose you a good friend. The friendship, however, could already be lost if she has committed any of the following…
She seduced your groom – surely the ultimate offence…
She didn’t show up for the dress fitting and didn’t even call to let you know – again!
She insulted you/ your mother/ your groom/ someone you care about
She refuses to wear the bridesmaid dress you have chosen and hates every other dress you have suggested since
She now refuses to pay any contribution towards the bridesmaids dress and accessories despite initially agreeing to chip in to help you
She seems to think your wedding is HER wedding and is behaving like it’s all about her!
When to Fire Your Chief Bridesmaid
If you’re sure she has to go then don’t leave it too late. Waiting until the day before your wedding is not a good idea, particularly if she has mild psychopathic tendencies and could want revenge! Better to give plenty of notice if possible – the best time to approach the subject with her is before she has started planning your hen night and ideally before she has her dress and accessories.
If you wait until she has organised your hen night and got her dress, shoes and jewellery for the wedding then you risk losing all of these if she takes it badly, so tread carefully. You have enough on your plate with planning the wedding, and that’s the point – you need her support and friendship but telling her how let down you feel could get messy so you need to do it in the kindest way possible.
If, however, she commits one of the offences above and you are adamant she has to go, even if she’s already finalised plans for the hen night and got her dress, take over as much of the hen night organisation as you can and ask her if you can have the dress back before you sack her. You could say you have decided to have the dress altered in some way, that you’re having a floral accessory or a sash or puddle train added to it and you need her to give it to you as soon as possible for you to get it finished. Then, once you have the dress back in your possession, make your move!
How to Fire Your Chief Bridesmaid and Keep Your Friendship
This is possible but it’s tricky. Bear in mind how she will feel at being asked to step down and that you may need to manage her disappointment. The best way to do this is to broach the subject over a drink in a public place and gently explain your reasons for asking her to step down, without laying blame as much as possible, and then offer her some sort of consolation- by allowing her to still be one of your bridesmaids, and promoting another bridesmaid to her chief bridesmaid role for instance. This can be an easier way than completely sacking her from your big day.
Be diplomatic and try to be understanding of her short comings – perhaps she was unable to be there for you because she has some personal issues. She may even be pleased to be asked to step down if the role is feeling too much for her. Just be careful not to be too accusatory, try to be constructive and fair with her and help her to come to terms with your reasoning.
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Kate Thompson is Confetti's features editor and wedding expert, and has worked in the wedding industry for 15 years. A widely published lifestyle writer, she has made BBC television and radio appearances discussing wedding trends in the UK.