As soon as your daughter and her fiancé have set a date, sit down with them and discuss how you could be involved in, and contribute to their wedding. By talking this through at the beginning, you’ll…
What does a modern mother of the bride do?
If you’re playing by the traditional rules, (and plenty do) the answer is: a lot. Traditionally, the bride’s mother:
Helps finalise the guest list (degree in diplomacy preferable)
Orders the stationery (invitations, menus, order of service, place cards)
Sends out the invitations and monitors replies
Supplies copies of the gift list request
Arranges and books the reception (liaising constantly with the couple, if your life is worth living)
Hires the cars
Organises the flowers for the church, reception and the bride’s bouquet
Books the photographer (avoiding control freaks who’ll take over)
Draws up the seating plan (again and again)
Generally acts as the official hostess with the most‐est
But nowadays, you don’t do it all on your own. Modern mums of the bride listen to the couple’s views and don’t interfere if their daughter insists on doing everything herself, and the groom’s parents may also get involved in the organising.
Laying the ground rules
As soon as your daughter and her fiancé have set a date, sit down with them and discuss how you could be involved in, and contribute to their wedding. By talking this through at the beginning, you’ll avoid arguments later, when stress and time pressure come into play.
Try not to be upset if the couple insist on doing everything themselves. One of two things will doubtless happen. Either:
They will soon run out of steam/time/funds/patience and come running to you to take over
They will organise everything their way, be radiantly happy on their day and you’ll be saved from one of the most stressful experiences known to (wo)man (i.e. planning a wedding) …
Thoroughly modern mothers of the bride
Not only is organising a wedding more of a collaborative process nowadays, mothers of the bride may also get to do a few things they didn’t do in the past. Today’s MOBs:
Don’t have to wear a hat ‐‐ for tips on what to wear, see our Fashion & Beauty section.
Can make a speech ‐‐ see our [Speech centre] for ideas and material.
Might go on the hen night ‐‐ find out more in our Stags & Hens section.