Great lines about the bride

Written by    Last updated: June 6, 2006

Take your pick from these winning lines ‐‐ all easily adapted for when you mention the bride in your best man’s speech

  • ‘We all know that Jeff enjoys a round of golf. Some might argue he plays a little too often. But I’ve got to say that in all the rounds I’ve ever played with him, I’ve never seen him score a more perfect birdie than the one sitting next to him today…’
  •  ‘It is all the fashion these days for the bride to make a speech on her wedding day. And those of you who know Sally as well as I do will know that she was never going to pass up an opportunity to speak to such a large group of people without interruption. So, without further delay, making her debut performance as the new Mrs Dave Barham, I give you: the one and only Sally!’
  • ‘We all know that Jeff likes to play rugby. In fact, he and I have played many times together. A word of warning, Kerry: he likes to go over the top in rucks and tends to shove before the ball’s in…’
  • ‘I think everyone will agree that the bride looks absolutely stunning today. Ad I’m not just saying that to avoid getting a clip round the ear from her new husband…’
  • ‘In these modern times, it’s very much the fashion for the bride to say a few words at the wedding. I asked Susan’s father, Roger, whether he thought she might want to say a few words. He looked at me for a moment and said: “I hope not. I’ve only hired the room for Saturday night.”’
  • ‘When he first started raving about his new girlfriend, I asked Ian to describe Debbie to me as if she were a car. He said: “She’s like a Ferrari. She’s got great lines, she’s fast, she turns heads, and I can only afford to take her out every now and again…”’
  • ‘When he first started raving about her, I asked Tim to describe Emma to me as if she were a cocktail. He thought long and hard and said that she was like a Tequila Sunrise: tall, long, refreshing and enjoyed best with plenty of crushed ice.’
  • ‘The first time Gary started talking about Tina, I asked him: “If she were a football team, which team would she be?” After some deliberation, he turned to me and said: “She’s like Chelsea: glamorous, creative, and full of continental sophistication…’
  • ‘The first time that Neil started talking about Shirley he described her as a leather sofa. Slightly taken aback, I asked him to explain. “Well,” he said, “she’s expensive, luxurious, looks fantastic and he loves lying for hours in her warm embrace…”’
  • ‘Karen asked me the other day about Rob’s past and, as a good friend of both of them, I thought I ought to fill in any gaps where I could. Obviously, though, out of loyalty to Rob I had to leave out anything that might incriminate him. It was a very short conversation…’
  • ‘And now to the bride. “Slovenly”, “lazy”, “selfish”, “pig‐headed”, “rude”, “dirty”. These are all words she’s used to describe Tim, and with good reason. Frankly, it’s a wonder they’re together.’
  • ‘I’m sure that every man here who knows Katy as well as I do would like to take this opportunity to say that she has never looked as beautiful as she does today. And that’s because everyone who knows her as well as I do, is also aware that if they don’t say that, she’ll make sure that they can’t ride a bicycle again ever again.’
  • ‘When Teresa first met Guy, there wasn’t what you’d call an instant attraction between them. In fact, I asked Teresa to describe Guy in five words. What were the words she used? Sadly the only one I can repeat is “and”.’
  • ‘They say that to find your prince, you have to kiss one or two frogs. Helen, however, has decided to settle for a frog. She always did like wildlife programmes.’
  • ‘It was quite some time before I was introduced to Martin’s new bride, after they met in Paris where he was working. In one of our telephone conversations, I asked Martin to describe Anne‐Marie to me. I imagined his response would be full of elegant language, describing his new French amour in romantic, almost poetic terms. He was hesitant to say anything but after some cajoling he said: “Once you discover her, nothing else will do.”’

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