Wedding speech template for when you’re keen to keep it short and sweet By the chief bridesmaid "I'm sure you'll be delighted that, as Nicola's chief bridesmaid, I have only…
Written by Lawrence Bernstein Last updated: May 17, 2016
The worst kind of best man actually believes he IS the best man. He is convinced that he is the funniest, most attractive and interesting man in the room.
His speech will be a collection of disconnected accounts of “laddish” excess. It will be interspersed with exhausted wedding jokes about the mother-in-law (“first time I saw her was on Jurassic Park”) and the impending disappointments of the honeymoon. There will be offensive one liners: “when I met Danny’s fiancé I was relieved – he’s had a lot worse… believe me!” and so on.
At Great Speech Writing we avoid these stories like the plague. We have heard them all… but carefully select the most appropriate anecdotes for the speech. We’re not in the business of offending anyone!
The “worst man” – if I might call him that – is often drunk (probably because beneath the bravado he is deeply insecure about what he’s going to say) and will be addressing his speech to a tiny sub-audience of six or seven other inebriated lads: the only people laughing at the succession of “in-jokes”. His primary purpose will be to humiliate the groom, mistaking embarrassment for humour. There will be references to previous romantic failures, sporting incompetence and professional inadequacy. Oh and they will swear for effect… particularly when the laughs start drying up.
The likelihood is that their speech will drag on horribly. Fifteen minutes, half an hour, forty five minutes… time will pass at an agonisingly slow pace, any early laughter will fade away, babies will start crying and horrified guests will be texting each other “OMG” under the tables. This is because the “worst man” won’t have planned or rehearsed it properly, preferring to read out gags and endless anecdotes scrawled on hotel note paper the previous night.
Then there’s the stag night. The “worst man” will be so proud of the almighty booze up that he orchestrated, that he will need to describe it in excruciating detail: the moment the groom threw up, the stripper that turned out to be bloke, the dance floor fight with the cast of Geordie Shore. Our anti-hero will be utterly oblivious to the audience reaction and will plough on regardless, interpreting gasps of horror and embarrassment as gales of laughter.
The fundamental problem is that the “worst man” simply doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand the importance of the day and, in truth, doesn’t understand his own responsibilities. It’s all about him. In consequence, his speech will miss the point and be remembered for all the wrong reasons.
Lawrence Bernstein knows about speeches – it’s not only the speakers that worry about them, the brides worry about what the best man will say too! A professional speechwriter knows all the tricks of the trade and will help with the writing and presentation – making a difference between speech success and failure! Contact Lawrence at Great Speech Writing for friendly helpful advice and service.
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