Wedding promises don’t have to be solemn ‐‐ here’s some ideas for injecting some humour
Your wedding vows can be serious or as humorous and tongue‐in‐cheek as you want to make them. So go on ‐‐ have some fun! If your registrar disapproves or you would rather stick to something more solemn for your wedding ceremony, you could always use your alternative vows during the reception speeches. Here are a few ideas to get you started…
Groom: I promise to put the top on the toothpaste, my dirty washing in the laundry basket and not to clean my football boots on the kitchen table. Oh, and to love you always.
Bride: I promise to learn to cook something other than baked beans on toast, not to hog the bathroom and use all the hot water, and never to ask ‘Does my bum look big in this’ and expect an honest answer.
Groom: I pledge to do my share of the dusting, the hovering, the cooking, the washing up, making the bed, cleaning the bathroom, the ironing, mowing the lawn, waling the dog, washing the car, decorating the house and ‐‐ if I am still physically able at the end of the day ‐‐ to love you.
Bride: I promise to care for you in sickness and in health, unless it is self‐inflicted and two o’ clock in the morning: not to nudge you too hard when you are snoring; to let you in after a night with the lads; and to care for your prize collection of beer mats.
Groom: I vow to understand you when I don’t; to admit that I am in the wrong when I mistakenly think I am in the right; and to bring you flowers at least once a week as I am bound to have done something that I should apologise for.
Bride: I promise not to phone my mum more than seven times a week, to buy only one pair of shoes a month and to accept all your bad habits as being what makes you as loveable as you are.
Looking for something different to the civil ceremony? If a traditional church ceremony is too religious for you and a civil ceremony is not spiritual enough, consider an alternative Humanist ceremony…