Guest appearances

Written by    Last updated: June 6, 2006

If you’re not hosting the wedding, you may not have a great deal of say over the guest list. If you are hosting, and can’t agree on the guest list together, a good solution is…

Who’s in charge of the guest list?

In previous generations, the bride’s parents paid for and hosted the wedding, and therefore had a great deal of say over the guest list.  Often, many of the guests were distant relatives or friends of the bride’s parents whom the couple had never met.

Things have changed recently, and weddings are less often seen as an opportunity to get Great Aunt Thelma out of the cupboard. So, try to understand your daughter’s point of view if she would rather invite her friends and closer relatives.

If you’re not hosting the wedding, you may not have a great deal of say over the guest list. If you are hosting, and can’t agree on the guest list together, a good solution is a three‐way split: one third for your chosen guests, one third for the bride’s and one third for the groom’s.

Wedding diplomacy

Worried that relatives may be offended if they are not invited? Option one, which is not advised, is to demand they are included. Option two is to take some of the burden off your daughter by phoning the relatives, explaining that numbers are limited, and arranging to visit them afterwards with the video, or to send them copies of the photos.

Many venues nowadays are not suitable for children, either in size or facilities, and your daughter may decide she wants a child‐free wedding. This is often a difficult decision to make, so offer to phone relatives with children to explain the situation.

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