Gift Lists & Gifting

The Wedding Expert on Alternative Gift Lists

While traditional wedding etiquette says it’s a no-no, here’s why it is now acceptable to ask for money instead of having a gift list, and the many ways you could do it. As Confetti’s wedding expert I have answered thousands of your letters over the years, and now I’m sharing my advice to help others with the same dilemmas.

Wedding post boxes and wishing wells | Confetti.co.uk
From left: Special delivery letter box | Stacked antique book box wishing well | Elegant Italian chest wishing well

Q.  Is it acceptable to ask for money instead of having a gift list?

I am writing to enquire about wedding gift lists. I wondered if you thought it would be acceptable to ask guests to make bank transfers to an individual bank account? It would mean we could afford a honeymoon and that’s what we would like more than a new toaster and table linens. Both our parents are a bit more traditional and seem to think it’s not very customary to ask guests for money. Do you think we should forego the idea, or stick to it, and if we do go for it, what’s the best way to go about it ?

 

A: These days yes it is, and here’s how you could do it:

While traditional etiquette dictates that a couple should not have a gift list at all, the modern view is that it is your wedding and therefore your choice, and there are ways of making sure your guests know of your wishes without offending anyone.

Most guests will be expecting to get you something and would certainly rather give you what you want than a token gift. Whether you would like contributions towards your home or honeymoon, you could put a little note into each invitation, explaining your position and most guests will be only too pleased to contribute.

You could open a new wedding bank account for guests to pay directly into and put a wishing well or post box out at your wedding reception for guests to put their cards and cash/cheques into. Ask the best man or ushers to look after the box if it is in a public place, just in case.

There will always be some guests, particularly family and close friends. who would rather give you a keepsake gift, and so for those guests it is worth adding to the note, something along the lines of:

‘What’s most important is that you are there to share our day with us. We don’t expect gifts at all, and so do not have a formal gift list. We are saving for a honeymoon, so if you would like to give something, we’d appreciate any small financial contributions.’

Find out more about this in How to Ask For the Gift of Cash and you can read more ideas and inspiration in the Wedding Blog.

 

Download the free wedding planning app

Plan your dream wedding with Wedx, the free wedding planning app that makes organising your big day a breeze. With a countdown clock and intuitive planning tools, you'll stay on top of every detail. Discover amazing suppliers, explore their services, and view stunning photos and videos, all in one place. Wedx helps you connect with the perfect professionals to bring your wedding vision to life.

Free App Right Arrow
Wedx Icon

Claim your free wedding magazine

Claim your free copy of Confetti Magazine, one of the UK's premier wedding publications. Inside its beautifully curated pages, you'll find expert tips, checklists, and inspiring real-life stories to spark your imagination and plan your dream day with confidence, ensuring your wedding is just the way you envision it, down to the last detail.

Free Magazine Right Arrow
Confetti Magazine

Find Wedding Ideas, Inspiration, Venues and Services