Settling into a daily routine after the excitement of a wedding and honeymoon can often translate into predictable sex. You may end up wondering where the pre‐wedding sexual spark of your dating days has gone…
Break away from routine sex and add some extra spice to your relationship…
While you might miss the heady excitement of when you first met, it’s important to remember the plus side of being an established couple, which is an increased level of trust. This is a huge advantage when it comes to taking your relationship to the next level.
Getting turned on is as much to do with the mind and imagination, as it is to do with the body and touching. If you have busy lives, make a sex date in your diary. Send a text, email or leave a note for your partner with details of what you intend to do to them later.
Turn off the ‘auto‐pilot’
If the same act is repeated in precisely the same way it can, over a period of time, become a bit like switching onto autopilot. Bring in the excitement by changing the setting every now and then by moving out of the bed. Have sex in any other room in the home, outdoors or even in the car. Instead of the bed, move to a chair or the floor. Change the time as well: so to break the routine, you could for instance, try only daytime sex for a month.
Use the memory card
Remember the early days of your romance, the buzz you got out of being with each other? Re‐live the excitement by revisiting the city, town or restaurant where you had your first dates. Think of three nice things each that you used to do in the early days and re‐introduce them into your relationship.
Mark the date
Make a note of anniversaries and important dates on a calendar at the beginning of the year. If your partner has a habit of being forgetful, instead of feeling hurt or sulking, help out by setting up email reminders. Think of something different to do each year rather than automatically opting for the standard flowers, chocolates and dinner option.
Plan a surprise treat that you know your partner will like. It should be something that relates to an interest of theirs or simply a treat. It doesn’t even need to cost anything – just breakfast in bed or an unexpected flirty text message will make a difference.
Colours to cheer
Research has proved that the colours in our environment can affect our mood. In the color spectrum, red is the most passionate of colors and grays perceived to be the least. Try changing the colour of your bedroom or perhaps even your lingerie!
Lather it up
Sharing a shower or a bath together is a wonderfully sexy way to appreciate your partner’s body away from the bed. Whether it’s a long languorous bath with scented candles, rose petals and aromatherapy oils or a quick, invigorating twosome shower, it works wonders for your sex life. (Tip: make sure the water is not too hot as this will make you both feel drowsy!)
Cuddle a day
Touching often is important in creating bonding between people. No matter how busy your lives are, make it a point to touch each other every single day, even if it’s a hug each morning or a cuddle last thing at night.
The better your physical health the more likely you are to have a vibrant sex life. Poor diet, excess drinking and smoking result in lower libido and performance, whereas regular exercise releases endorphins which give a feeling or euphoria or a natural ‘high’.
Have a laugh
Sharing a private joke in public, something only the two of you understand, can be wonderfully sexy. Laughing together, whether at a favourite comedy or film, reduces stress hormones, releases endorphins (sex‐enhancing hormone) and brings you closer together.
Getting stressed out over work, money and family issues translates into loss of interest in sex. Find ways to switch off blocking thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. Feelings of fear and superficial worries interfere with our ability to go with the moment. Each person has their own way of chilling out, which could be anything from going to the gym or playing a sport to mediating or listening to music. Find out what does it for you.
As you like it
It doesn’t have to be put into words, just put your hand on top of your partner’s and show them what turns you on. No matter what sex manuals tell you there isn’t a ‘right’ way to please everyone, as what stimulates one person might be a passion‐killer for the next. Share what you like with your partner without just hoping that they’ll somehow guess it anyway.
One of the advantages of living with someone over a period of time is that we can be comfortable with them. However, it’s all too easy to become lazy about making an effort to look our best. Even small details can count, for instance creating an element of surprise by not letting your partner see you getting dressed or always wearing fabulous underwear beneath even comfy home clothes.
While it is natural to want to control what happens in our lives, being obsessive about planning every detail means we can never enjoy being in the moment. We are constantly thinking about either the past or worrying about the future, while the present slips us by. Great sex is about learning to just go with what’s happening at the time without thinking ahead.
No aphrodisiac could ever compete with the rich world of your imagination. Apparently all of us have sexual fantasies, even if they are buried deep in our unconscious and only emerge occasionally through dreams. Sharing a fantasy with a long‐term partner can be a hugely fulfilling experience, but not all fantasies have to be aired or acted out – playing it out in your mind works just as well.
Appreciating how your partner looks will help to make him or her feel desirable, which is always a great turn‐on. Letting your partner know the bits you love about what they do in bed is a sure way of encouraging them to do it again… and again!