Wedding planning can be stressful enough without the added difficulty of people shoving their noses in where they’re neither wanted nor needed (however good their intentions). It makes your job ten times harder when you find yourself having to let people’s suggestions down…especially if said people are easily offended. So how do you politely tell someone to stop butting in? Read on to discover some phrases to use on overbearing family, and see how you can let guests and family down gently (or not so gently!).
Your friends and family will no doubt have some very good ideas, but the trick is knowing when to and when not to listen to them. They’ll be right sometimes, but you probably know your mind, and your partner’s, a lot better than they do. So for the times when your family and friends are just wrong, you’ll need to know how to handle the situation so it doesn’t get blown out of proportion. You don’t want to end up walloping your sister over the head with the vase you’ve been admiring, and that she just called repulsive.
Imagine you’re in the process of picking out your summer-wedding table centrepieces. You love the idea of bright flowers arranged in crystal vases, tiered on your favourite aged books. But certain people think an enormous birdcage filled with candles wouldn’t go amiss either. You don’t like this idea, because you’re worried it might drown the delicate vintage look you’re aiming for. Therefore, you can gently let this idea go by explaining why you don’t think this idea will work:
- “I like that idea, however….”
- “I appreciate your opinion, but…”
Your friend or family member may insist, and you’ll have to insist back. You shouldn’t have to apologise for wanting what you want, but there’s no harm in slipping in an, “I’m sorry, but…” either. If they still insist, you may begin to silently wish the highest misfortune on them (like eternally bad WiFi), but try and stay calm and stand your ground.
Acknowledge its Worth
The suggestions your friends and family make aren’t always the worst ideas in the world. Oftentimes they’ll be wonderful ideas. Make sure that, when turning down these ideas, you let the person whose idea it was know that you don’t hate it, and thank them for making a suggestion.
- “Thanks! I love the design of that…”
- “Thank you, but unfortunately it won’t go with my theme/colour scheme.”
- “That’s a good idea!”
You can be nice only so long, and then you have to assert yourself. Be blunt. You know what you want. They aren’t listening. You need to make yourself heard.
- “Thank you, but I don’t think so…”
- “I really don’t want that…”
- “I think …………will work better.”
And for your very last nerve:
- “It’s my wedding.”
- “Butt out.”
Stay Open Minded
Yes, wedding planning can be a time of stretched nerves and clashing opinions, but bear in mind that sometimes you can be sure on something but find it doesn’t work, and on the flip-side you can find that an idea you were totally against to begin with does work. So stay open minded, but be careful not to fall for any guilt trips or manipulations. And finally, try not to snap at people; usually they’re only trying to help.
Do you have something you’ve had to say to an overbearing friend or family member? Share it with us in the comments.