I'm getting married in December this year and up until a few days ago my Father was paying for the wedding.
Pref History on relationship with father: I haven't really spent anytime with my father and his family since I was 11 years old as I became very sick when my parents divorced and my father was very abusive (emotionally) when I was a child. Both me and my eldest brother haven't had anything to do with him til last year. My sister has always been in contact with him and has even lived with him on and off. He lives in Australia currently with my sister and her husband. Because of this situation I haven't had anything to do with his family as they choose him over us.
Because earlier this year he made amends with my mother I was willing to except him back in my life and he even offered to pay for my wedding as he has never helped my mum out money wise raising us. At first me and my fiancé didn't like the idea of this but due to certain circumstance this changed.
I sent invites out to my fathers family (My Grandparents, His sister and her husband and kids and lastly his Eldest sister), I did not include his brother in the invites as he scares the life out of my brother and is very disrespectful to my mother who means the world to me. When we briefly encountered him last year he couldn't even speak to me or my fiancé.
I made my father aware of this situation months ago and he understood that it was my wedding and that even though he didn't like it that was the situation.
but; on Wednesday evening I got a strange message from my sister asking me if I had invited my fathers brother/my uncle and I told her no. She then continued to badger me saying that she didn't think my dad was aware of this and that she would be speaking to him herself, bare in mind my mother and I have both told my father on numerous occasion.
MY mother the following day received a message from my dad saying that he had "heard through the grapevine" that his brother was not invited to my wedding (even though like I said we had already told him) he then continued to say that he was very upset and that he didn't care who we invited out of my fiancés family or my mothers but that his brother had to have an invite regardless of my feelings towards my uncle. And that he wanted this rectified immediately otherwise he would not attend and would not be making any further "contributions to my wedding". My wedding is only 4 and a half months away and half the payments still have to be made and as I am sick I can't work so my partner has had to sell his vehicle to cover the rest of the costs.
I have happily turned round and told my father that he can now forget about coming to my wedding after choosing his brother over me knowing how horrible he has treated me in the past.
My father is the type to ring round our suppliers and cancel my wedding and to also be very threatening toward us.
Because I they are family I feel bad because of what has happened but cannot bare the though of them ruining our day. And must now uninvite them but don't know how to do this. My sister will no doubt pick my father as she always has done in our lives and she is supposed to be a bridesmaid.
I would like to uninvite them asap as this will bring our costs down and will also prevent them from spending money on a hotel room.
How would I go about doing so??
Angela Goodban - I am an old girl i know, but I would tell them in writing (email or whatever so you have proof) that they are not invited - I would not invite ANY of his family, and I would tell him to shove his money where the sun dont shine - you can always scale back the wedding if needs be (or do a go fund em or something) - the mosty important think is marrying the man you love; DONT LET OTHERS DICTATE YOUR LIFE - STAND UP!!!! Have a lovely day xxx
Liyah Trickey - Speak to your suppliers and just let them know that the only person responsible for cancelling any of their services for you would be you. Leave them the explicit instruction that any cancellation should only be accepted by yourself, not your h2b, YOU! Do it over the phone and via email/in writing.
In respect of uninviting, you should consider it done with the fact that you have told him he is uninvited.
Regarding the contributions he was making, unfortunately if he is being that petty, you'll just have to find some other way to pay. Just to put it out there, what a pathetic excuse for a father! Hope everything works out chick and that you have a lovely day x
Annette Louise Holden - Other than the payments this pretty much happened to me with 3 of my 4 original bridesmaids. I had the same with their mum (my second cousins) they kicked off demanding dresses were pink not gold (bearing in mind they were aged 12-18) and then started bitching to the family about it all (not like yours but upset me as they slowly got family on side with lies and was getting worse. I rang my suppliers and venue and explained and we agreed a code word to say so they knew it was me on the phone etc or dealt by email so they knew things were genuine!! I wrote the mum a letter saying due to the situation it wouldn't be acceptable to attend and she was no longer invited. I would do the same and contact the venue to say you do not want them booking rooms for your wedding as they are doing it to cause trouble. Give names and addresses if needed to stop them. We also had trouble on H2Bs side where he didn't speak to his sister and did not invite her. It kicked off for 3 stressful months before but he stuck to his guns and his mum even tried holding other invites, she was handing out, back to allow her to be invited. Act quick and be one step ahead and good luck it is hard but needs to be done.
Cara Hennessy Lloyd - Contact every supplier and your venue and inform them your father is out to cancel your wedding but this is not do happen and your wedding will be happening and should anyone cancel it would be yourself and no one else.
Then tell them that should anyone call to cancel your wedding have them take note of the date, time, and who called to cancel. Then have them call you asap as he may give your fiancés name. This is why you must make it very clear that only you would cancel that way you know he is trying to ruin your wedding xx
Tracey Ann Smith - It's your wedding invite who you like, we had problems with people wanting to come etc but couldn't... you invite who you like if he's being funny tell him not to come.he should want to be there for you. Email suppliers explain the situation he can't cancel your wedding it should all be done by you anyway! X
April Williams - Wow, you have a lot going on. I think you have gotten good advice. To add to it I would stop Spending. You gave up your car for one day? Is that how he gets to work? He is the only one working. That's a lot of pressure for one person. If you go into this union depending on family's money, You will be starting off with a lot of pressure on the union. You need a car. Then look at what you have spent already. That's where you have to stop. If you can only pay for 20 people then that's all that can come. When you are on your feet and you can afford it. Have a five year anniversary party and, as far as family is concerned. The less you need people financially the more freedom you have. People have choices you choose who you want in your company and those people can choose who they want in their company. Acceptance is the key and move on. Good luck and enjoy your day.
Suzie Stokes - I'm sorry to hear this hun. I don't have a relationship with my dad and when I invited my grandmother (his mum) he rsvped for himself!! You just need to stay firm with your decision and let him know either by text or email and sadly he is no longer welcome at the wedding. Please please do not let him or anyone else upset you, this is your decision and your day.
Lindsy Vernon - Just tell him straight that you now want to un invite him and maybe ring round your suppliers and ask if Maybe a security question could be set up in some way so your father cannot cancel make amendments without your permission they may not do this but it's worth an ask if your worrying he may cancel things
Louise Shackcloth - This lady wants to uninvite her father's family, not the suppliers. Her original message hasn't been edited very well!
Siobhan Maria-Louisa Lillywhite Knight-Potgieter - Speak to your suppliers and tell them a code word that you would use to talk to them. If someone tries to cancel and they don't know the code word then it won't happen xxx