Wedding speech material for you to adapt, for when the behaviour on the stag night merits an apology
By the groom
‘I’d like to take this opportunity to say sorry for what went on at the stag weekend. First of all, apologies to the people of Skegness. I really hope that the pier was insured. Secondly, to the local constabulary. I’m sure that with some disinfectant and elbow‐grease the stains will come out of the seats. Thirdly, to my best man, Tim, who went to all the trouble of organising the weekend, only to be chained to a set of railings twenty minutes into the weekend and left there to fend for himself. How is the frost‐bite, Tim?
‘But lastly, sorry to my wife, Anna. Thanks to you, I won’t have to do a stag night ever again.’
By the best man
‘They always say that it’s better to regret the things you have done than regret the things that you haven’t done. With that in mind, everyone who went on the stag do should be feeling a terrible sense of regret. Because we did it all. Drink, drugs (well Nurofen), loose women, lewd behaviour, more loose women and a small amount of criminal damage. (And we all thought our student sign‐stealing days were behind us, eh, lads?)
‘But there’s one person who shouldn’t feel regret and has nothing to apologise for. That is, of course, the groom Paolo. Despite our best efforts his conscience is clean. He really must love Janita very, very much!’