Bad bridesmaids - how to deal with them

Bad Bridesmaid? Here’s How to Handle It

Planning a wedding is super stressful, and having a bad bridesmaid in a bridal party can make things so much worse. If your wedding planning is being blighted by a difficult bridesmaid, don’t stress – we’re here to help.

We’ve rounded up some of the worst bridesmaid sins and how you can deal with them, as no one wants to fire a bridesmaid – there’s light at the end of the tunnel!


Bad bridesmaid - how to deal with them

Bad Bridesmaid Case Study One: The Broke Bridesmaid

We get it, life is expensive. But it’s super challenging when you want to celebrate getting married with your besties and one of your bridesmaids complains about costs all the time.

How to Deal With It

You will probably already know which one of your bridesmaids is likely to complain about costs, so the best thing you can do is pre-empt any issues by having a separate chat with her.

You probably won’t be organising your own hen do, but let her know what the plan is (or as much as you know) and rough costs as soon as possible, so she can opt out if she has to.

When it comes to wedding prep, make sure you’re not asking too much as well – if you have a nail colour, hairstyle or makeup look that you want your bridesmaids to have, you should really foot the bill. If you’re asking for your bridesmaids to pay for any part of their look, it should be up to them how they are styled and who they pay to do it (if anyone!).

Remember, money is a tricky subject and ultimately it’s up to the individual to decide what they spend it on – if your BM is reluctant to splash the cash on your wedding day, there isn’t much you can do.

Read more: Gorgeous bridesmaid gift ideas for your best girls

Bride with multiple bridesmaids

Bad Bridesmaid Case Study Two: The Green-Eyed Monster

Uh-oh – she thought she’d be the first to walk down the aisle, but now you’ve got the rock and she’s got the hump…

How to Deal With It

Eek, we don’t envy you in this situation. You want your besties to be delighted for you whenever you have great news, but let’s face it – we’ve all been there. Someone close to you has something great going on whilst your life isn’t quite where you want it to be.

That’s the root cause of jealousy – it isn’t you, it’s because your bridesmaid has something going on in her life and whilst it’s sad your friend isn’t as happy for you as you want her to be, try to be understanding.

Chat to her one-to-one and explain that you’re upset she doesn’t seem to be very excited for you, but you’re there for her and want to celebrate together.

If she continues with jealous comments and doesn’t come around, it’s time to rethink whether you want her in your wedding party.

Read more: What does a maid of honour actually do?

Bad Bridesmaid Case Study Three: The Opinionated Bridesmaid

Weddings involve a lot of choices – and your bridesmaid is making it clear she doesn’t love what you’re doing. Nightmare.

How to Deal With It

Some opinions you will have to take on board – if she expresses a dislike in a bridesmaid dress, you have to take it on board. However, if she expresses a negative opinion about every single option you offer her, it’s time to address it.

Start by asking her what it is that she doesn’t like exactly, and what she would go for. If it’s not what you would choose, try and pick something that is a compromise.

If your bridesmaid won’t compromise, or continues to express negative opinions about other aspects of your wedding too, take her to one side and say you get the feeling she doesn’t like your wedding planning style. Ask her if she still wants to be a bridesmaid. It might be that she doesn’t, or it might make her recognise her behaviour and shape up!

Read more: How to tell your friend she’s not your bridesmaid

Bride with single bridesmaid

Bad Bridesmaid Case Study Four: The Self-Centred Bridesmaid

Does she keep bringing it back to herself and what she did at her wedding? Or even worse – what she’d do if she was getting married?

How to Deal With It

People love to talk about their weddings, don’t they? You’re probably a little bit guilty of it yourself – but if you feel like every aspect of your planning is being taken over by your bridesmaid sharing unwanted information about how she did it at her wedding, you need to let her know.

It is probably coming from a good place – she wants to share her experience and is still wedding-excited, so wants to talk about it, but just gently remind her it’s your day and you want to do it your way.

If the BM in question has never been married but is just constantly telling you what they’d do at their hypothetical wedding, grinning and bearing it just won’t cut it. Revert to Case Study Five: The Opinionated Bridesmaid, above.

Bad Bridesmaid Case Study Five: The Non-Committal Bridesmaid

She’s the only one not speaking up in the group chat and it’s impossible to pin her down for a fitting.

How to Deal With It

Of course you know that your wedding won’t be everyone’s number one priority, but it would be so much easier for everyone if Miss Non-Committal joined in on the group chat, told you her availability for dress shopping and paid her deposit for the hen do.

The challenge here is getting her attention as she just won’t commit to anything. Step away from anything wedding related and arrange to go see her or for a phone call and point out how you haven’t heard from her. Politely ask if she’s too busy to be a bridesmaid and give her the option to opt out if that’s the case – we bet she’ll shape up right away.

Read more: The best ways to say ‘Will you be my bridesmaid?’

Bride and bridesmaids with balloons

Bad Bridesmaid Case Study Six: The Liability

You love her, but not her tendency to throw up in Ubers and tell embarrassing stories.

How to Deal With It

This is a tricky one! You just can’t single the liability out – it’s too mean as you know she doesn’t mean to be…well, such a mess. The best way to keep a liability in check is to put it to the whole group – if you’re out, get everyone to participate in the ‘second drink’s a soft drink’ rule, and make sure you line your stomachs. No Uber soiling charge for you! Your friends are probably familiar with her ways so should join in to help keep her in check.

When it comes to the actual wedding, have another bridesmaid or friend on hand to help out and maybe take her to one side before the wedding and explain that you know the story about the time you threw up in the fishbowl at uni is hilarious, but you’d really rather it wasn’t told again at your wedding, where your colleagues and in-laws can hear it.

If all else fails and the story starts to be told, bribe a flower girl to stage a distraction…

Want to avoid any of these dilemmas? Share our list of bridesmaid duties with your best girls – they’ll know exactly what to do!

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