Lines that are sentimental

When you need something schmaltzy to say, try adapting one of theses corkers for your best man’s speech

• ‘Before I get onto my detailed and, at times, unnecessarily cruel character assassination of my oldest and best friend, I just wanted to say a couple of serious things. First, Rob I’d like to say that being asked to be your best man is one of the great honours in my life. Thank you. Second, you’re the best best friend any guy could ask for. Third, I sincerely hope that the two of you have the most wonderful, happy and long life together and I look forward to sharing with you its highs and lows. Cheers!’
• ‘Before I start my embarrassing revelations about the side of Tom only his best mates get to see, I’d like to take a moment and raise a glass to the bride. Emma is a very special girl and, I think, looks absolutely gorgeous today. To the bride!’
• ‘It’s a real shame about the weather. I had such high hopes that it was going to be a fine, sunny day today. I’m sure, though, that the happy couple wouldn’t have noticed if it was snowing this afternoon. The two of them couldn’t take their eyes off each other. It’s does your heart good to see…’
• ‘Every man hopes to find the perfect woman. In fact, a lot of us spend most of our youth looking for her. Along the way there may be a little bit of heartbreak. But usually there is a lot of fun too. I know that Andy has had his fair share of heartache and more than his fair share of fun. But now that he’s with Suzanne, his search is over. He’s found the woman of his dreams. He’s the luckiest man alive and I couldn’t be happier for him.’
• ‘These two have been almost inseparable since the day they met. All of us who were there the day that they got together realised almost at once that something special had happened. And it certainly came as no surprise to me that these two wonderful people have eventually got married. Although it was a great surprise, and honour, to be asked to be best man. And for that I thank you Tony. It’s a day I will always remember.’
• ‘I’m coming to the end of my official duties as best man, which on the one hand is a massive relief, but on the other hand is a real disappointment. Because I really don’t think that I could ever feel quite as proud as I have done today, and felt so utterly terrified at the same time. However, I thank you both for allowing me to play a part in such a wonderful day.’
• ‘Oscar Wilde once said: “All generalisations are dangerous, including this one.” With that in mind, I’ll refrain from saying that all brides look beautiful on their wedding day and stick to the specific, where I feel I’m on safer ground: Teresa must be the most beautiful bride ever. To the bride!’
• ‘I know it’s customary for the best man’s speech to be ribald, uncompromising and at times downright nasty about the groom. I just wanted, though, to take the opportunity to raise a glass for absent friends. There are certain people no longer with us who, I know, would want me to raise a glass on their behalf and wish the happy couple a long, prosperous and, above all, happy life together. [add names in here if appropriate] To absent friends.’